YOU WILL KISS THE PAN!!!

You Shouldn't Listen to Crowds . . . and You Shouldn't Listen to Pans

2005-07-05T15:05:00.000-07:00

When I sit here in front of my computer, usually high on whatever, I am always smoking cigarettes. Even though I empty my ashtray every once in a while, it seems to be perpetually overflowing with butts. Yet there also seems to be an indefinate capacity, as there is always room for one more butt no matter how full it gets.

I thought it would be cool if I could show y'all what I'm seeing when I am posting this shit, so here's a pic.

The Superpan Is Not Magical, It Will Burn You.

2005-06-30T13:57:00.000-07:00

So true. This post is dedicated to geekbird, who is unable to appreciate most forms of visual humor.

It Bakes, It Boils, It Frys, It Broasts, It Brakes, It Broils, and It Bribles!

2005-06-29T16:24:00.000-07:00

I had begun to post what was intended to be a multi-part series on how I love the Japanese people in the OTHER blog, but I am going to bring it over here to KISS THE PAN!!!. I feel that it is an appropriate transfer of material since Japanese culture has much more relevance to pans than fisting.

For example, here is a Setsuko Yoshizuka, Tamagoyaki Pan. It is a quare pan used for cooking omlettes.

In addition to this fine square pan, the Japanese have produced many other useful houshold items. The Baby Mop is a brilliant product that has not yet picked up popularity in the U.S., probably because American babies are much more fat and razy. I mean lazy.

Have I mentioned Handicapped wrestling?

You may think that exploiting the handicapped for entertainment is insensitive and immoral, and attribute those characteristics to Japanese culture, but that is not necessarily true. The Japanese have compassion for their fellow man. Look at this Japanese lady receive aide quickely when she falls to the ground. But wait, there's more to the story, maybe I should have said "compassion for their fellow Japanese man". I'll include the narration by my buddy at MasaMania.

Jap Unconcerned Collapse Hulligan

If Japanese people find collapsing people, they come to help. Japanese people have warm heart

Yes, Jap is kind people. But you know, Japanese people care only Japanese people.........

Report from Spain Jap unconcerned collapse hulligan. Fuck JAP, Help fulligan !

Suddenly Spanish man breakdown on crowded floor in Japan. But Japanese people unconcerned him.

His name is SaveR , He collapse again, But Japanese people pretend unnoticing him. What's a fucking Japanese! Help him! He needs help. Yes, he need helps in many ways.

He collapse again on the street. but this time, some people come togher.Oh, He will be helped? NO! they strike a pose before cllapsing Spanish, SaveR!

Japanese people is strange!

and I think the person who take this picture, Morg Also should help him insted of taking this picture.Fuck unconcerned Japanese, from Spain

Of course this is a joke and the Japanese are great people; they would certainly stop and help a collapsed hulligan of any race.

He's Gone Now Nancy. Now It's Just You, Me, and the Pan.

2005-06-29T09:45:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my blog away from home. It was suggested that I keep an additional blog in which fisting and other explicit content is omitted. So now you can enjoy FistingChamp without all that fisting!

So keep stopping by for YOU WILL KISS THE PAN!!!

With that introduction out of the way, I'd like to take a moment to speak about something that happened to me a couple days ago. I was walking to my car, which I had parked on the street the night before. The spot was metered and it was getting close to high noon, and I was high too, so I was expecting to find a parking ticket stuck under my fuckin windsheild wiper.

There was no parking ticket! I was amazed! My sexy and charming girlfriend was getting into the passenger side of the car and noticed something under the windsheild wiper on that side. Fuck. I've gotten notes left on my car before, and it's always bad. They usually read, "You are blocking my driveway, if you park like this again I will have to have your car towed" or "Now I know where you live fucker, you better watch your back".

But this note wasn't threatening, at least I don't think it is. In fact, I don't have a clue as to what this note is really trying to say. I think it was written by an individual who has either completely lost their mind or has mental retardation. In any case, the note is worth posting for all to read and interpret, so here it is.

sky voice of god is what we talk to

no fighting killing no more

Dont go home for 600 days mondays only

1. no people can own stores parks

Dont eat or drink for 300 days mondays

nobody make love to Family members

2 no people can make kids in god world

no child can get you to heaven To here gays voice no more

no woemens can make KIDS gay

no sleeping around For sex

3 woemen take Birth control Pills at until 62 years old

let go of gay love forever

no dope to have or smokes

So that was the note, written in terrible handwriting on a stained piece of binder paper. In the sentence reading, "no child can get you to heaven to here gays voice no more", the word "gays" is not clear. It could say goys, yous, or possibly gods, I really just can't tell.

Anyway, I'm outta here.